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Joke of the Day
"Why are African Americans called Negroes? Because their dicks grow to their knees. Negro=knee grow"
Next Joke
"I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it Apparently, she left me a few days ago"
"Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man"
"So Batman is flying around metropolis looking for crime when... Superman walks up and is all like, ""hey motherfucker, what the fuck?"" Sorry, it's Halloween. ;)"
"[my dad and my 3 yr old daughter] Him: Hey sweetie how've you been? Her: I have a boyfriend Me: lmao *my daughter and I high five*"
"Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada."
"What country has many sugar? sweetzerland"
"""I can't eat all of that!"" ... and other lies I tell"
"I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again."
"Sometimes, late at night, I'll look up at the stars and wonder if you're also stealing lawn furniture."