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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again."

"The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?"

"Why was Joan of Arc never good in debates? Because she could not take the heat."

"Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth."

"How many Unidans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Six: one to screw it in and five to cheer him on loudly while standing in front of other people's bulbs so no one can see them."

"Starbucks really isn't that expensive when compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup"

"I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover...."

"What do you call a blind german guy? A not see."

"I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying ""at least I didn't kill anybody"" to like every person he sees today."

"I'm not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat's hair grows back."