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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it Apparently, she left me a few days ago"

Next Joke
 
"[prison riot] me: here comes the tickle monster!! [gets stabbed 100 times]"
"EXPLORER 1: *looking at ancient symbols in pyramid* It says ""Here lies updog"" EXPLORER 2: What's updog? EGYPTIAN SPIRITS: Lol"
"Bill Gates named his company after his penis. Discuss"
"Q: How many letters 'T' are in Indiana Jones? A: 17. Ta-ta-tat'-taaa ta-ta-taa Ta-ta-tat'-taaa ta-taa-taa-taaa!"
"My butcher introduced me to his wife the other day... He brought her out and said, ""meet patty"""
"Why does a blonde girl have a bruised belly button? She has a blonde boyfriend."
"Hey Green Bay - what are you packing? Meat? Fudge? Of course, if it's heat, my sincere apologies."
"How do cats park their cars? They *purr*allel park"
"I'm glad to see Reddit is so environmentally friendly! Especially /r/jokes. They are full of recycled content!"