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Joke of the Day

"Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving."

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn't want to ruin my day by talking to you."

"[slips the bus driver 20] ""Maybe you let me ride the bus for free?"""

"YOU: Please be aware-- ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a ""ware"""

"""You could have done so much better than him."" Me: Mom, I'm right here."

"Did you hear Chinese philosophers discovered gravity hundreds of years before Newton? Too bad they had so many durian trees."

"Only works in German - What is the biggest monkey? - Giraffe!"

"""Did you sleep well?"" ""Like God during the Holocaust."""

"""Well, this isn't helpful at all."" Termite watching ""Gettin' Wood"" on Cinemax"