133057
Joke of the Day
"""Did you sleep well?"" ""Like God during the Holocaust."""
Next Joke
"Someone told me that when there is a tornado, to hide in a location without windows. Such as a bathroom or basement. Replied that an Apple store would work as well."
"Where does a librarian sleep? Between the covers. I will now show myself to the door."
"Most TV ads: men are dumb, women are annoying, you're stupid & that's great, eat this fatty, America!, 4-hr erections, you're so alone."
"I thought my neighborhood had turned very pro-Trump... Turns out they just put out their jack-o-lanterns."
"Me: I cant tell you how to do everything. You need to figure out how to do things on your own 5yo: Ok Me:. 5yo:. Me:. 5yo: How do I do that?"
"Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out."
"JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa"
"What's the difference between the NBA and a pint of Guinness? Nothing. They're both mostly black, with a little bit of white at the top."
"What does a bowling ball and your mom have in common? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back."