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Joke of the Day

"[slips the bus driver 20] ""Maybe you let me ride the bus for free?"""

"I was gonna make a sodium joke but... Na"

"Why shouldn't you get asylum in Russia? Cuz you'd be snowed-in"

"Lauren's coming over. ""Lauren from work or the one who pretends to be a Dr?"" Lauren: Sorry I'm late, I removed a gooblyglop from a dinkis."

"Annoying guy trying to hit on me: This is like a scene from a romantic movie. Me: Yeah, I'm the iceberg and you're the Titanic. #Queen"

"[spoken while holding in a huge bong rip] i'll take a shower when the market demands it"

"any love for Trump reversal jokes? In Obama's America, you serve the president, in Trump's America the president serves you."

"My mom once got drunk and stabbed me because I look like my Father... Just kidding, she shot me. But hey, the past is the past. She's sober now and I can finally walk again."

"Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you"

"What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !"