46763

Joke of the Day

"[creating foxes] GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail ANGEL: ok... GOD: and make it sneaky ANGEL: you sure? GOD: yeah... real sneaky"

"Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory."

"I hate it when TV shows say they contain ""adult situations"" but then don't show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills."

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh what a shame! And you've been engaged for such a long time!"

"Anal sex is just like your first car You don't want it, but your dad gives it to you anyway"

"Girls who draw their eyebrows on may as well do them with a disappointed expression because yeah no thanks."

"Have you seen that old movie about the KKK? I hear it's a real cult classic."

"Jimmy cracked cocaine, and suddenly everyone cared."

"Bottom line: parenting interferes with my ability to be lazy."