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Joke of the Day
"Did You guys hear what the Jews did when they rioted? They threw Mazel Tov Cocktails"
Next Joke
"On the train... A girl sneezes. you: ""bless you."" she: ""sorry, i have a boyfriend."" voice from a few seats behind you: ""i'm a vegan."""
"Most of being a parent means saying ""Great!!"" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill."
"What is the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet."
"Yo' Mama Jokes Battle! I'll start! Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildo came with jumper cables."
"""Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today."" -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now"
"GENIE: you have three wishes. ME: sweet, I wish for pie. GENIE: okay, whatever, you have 3.14 wishes."
"Shout out to all the sassy receptionists out there. I won't even go near businesses that don't have sassy as hell receptionists."
"What does a fashionable dog do when it gets tired? Pants."
"Me when my friends are sad: 268 text messages of advice and tell them how perfect they are. Then when I'm sad: Oh, sorry ."