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Joke of the Day

"Me when my friends are sad: 268 text messages of advice and tell them how perfect they are. Then when I'm sad: Oh, sorry ."

"I heard they're making a revival of a show once Donald Trump is elected I'm going to love watching the new Orange is the New Black."

"Who the friggin hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere. You just let one into your home and it becomes your cat."

"What do you call a Nun who is moving? Virgin Mobile...."

"Gabe Newell and Bill Gates should get together. Not only would there be some epic games, they could comfort each other's inability to count."

"How does Bruce Wayne's mom call Bruce in for dinner... She can't she's dead"

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."

"What did the lesbian-vampire say to her girlfriend? See ya next month."

"Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing."

"Eating at this new Hitler-themed breakfast place, Luftwaffles."