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Joke of the Day

"[me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautee pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO"

"Thanks for reminding me to ""have a safe trip."" I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call."

"People who say, ""nothing could ever tear us apart"", must not know about sharks."

"I like my women like I like my spaghetti sauce... Prego"

"I just want a girl that's nice and sweet that doesn't require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie"

"A man's son goes off to join isis. The man laments saying: Why? Jihad so much potential!"

"TIL I'm always submitting to the wrong subreddit."

"Did you hear about the laptop RAM that was raped and had no memory of it? They say it was SO-DIMMy."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.mons"

"What do you call a fat person on a high horse? Ellen Pao."