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Joke of the Day

"I just want a girl that's nice and sweet that doesn't require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie"

"ME: woud u be open to adoption? HUSBAND: yes [later, at the adoption agency] ME: yes hi, i'd like to put my husband up for adoption"

"How do you piss Voldemort off? play got your nose with him"

"How is a women and peanut butter the same? It takes a lot of coaxing to get them to spread when they're cold"

"Honey, can we skip that wedding this weekend? ""What? Why?"" It sounds boring and there's no way that couple makes it.. ""It's OUR wedding!"""

"Who let the docs out? Google. Google docs."

"What do they eat for breakfast in africa? Ebola cereal"

"What do you call a jerk in the space program? Nasshole."

"People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don't know anything about it"

"""They had to amputate them both at the ankles,"" said Tom, defeated."