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Joke of the Day

"Thanks for reminding me to ""have a safe trip."" I was going to roll down a cliff and let the river float me to my destination. Close call."

"I'm starting a firing squad business Our motto is ""we aim to please""."

"Why did Snow White stop using the mail-in photo lab? She was tired of singing ""Some day, my prints will come..."""

"If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws what would the movie be called? Loch Jaws."

"My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus."

"How do dating sites in Alabama save money? They link to Ancestry.com"

"What's the difference between a pot of glue, a tuna, and a guitar? You can tuna guitar but you can't guitar a tuna!"

"If you're suddenly feeling warm and wet, it might be because I put your Voodoo doll somewhere warm and wet."

"I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated"

"I met a hot girl. We had dinner yesterday. At least I'm assuming she had dinner."