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Joke of the Day

"RUSSELL: I told you that cheese wasn't for you ME: [bitterly, mousetraps on both hands] Nothing's ever for me, is it Russell"

"""Don't fret."" -Guitar that apparently doesn't want to be played"

"In Buddhism, people first die, then they attain Nirvana. ..Kurt Cobain did it the other way round."

"Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one? A retail store."

"What's the difference between today's most sophisticated encryption that can still be cracked and the still uncracked ciphers of the Zodiac Killer? Ted Cruz"

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto."

"Porn addiction is a serious thing I have first hand experience."

"Vanilla sex makes your day... Anal sex makes your hole week."

"Needed some help with romance, so I took the book ""How to Hug"" out of the library. Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia."

"I'll never forget my grandfather last words to me ""Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!"""