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Joke of the Day

"I'll never forget my grandfather last words to me ""Stop shaking the ladder you cunt!"""

"What did the cannibal get when he was late to dinner? The cold shoulder"

"Note to shelf: Thanks for keeping my stuff off the floor."

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs. God please don't kill Kevin Bacon."

"I just started a new band called 'Blankets and Duvets' We've already been called the best cover band of all time"

"Where do you find a quadriplegic? Where you last left him."

"[in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?"

"You know what's better than being married? Everything."

"Paralegal activity. #BoringHorrorMovies"

"Why did Princess Leia cry at the end of Return of the Jedi? Her father just died."