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Joke of the Day

"""Don't fret."" -Guitar that apparently doesn't want to be played"

"I'm thinking about going on a day trip but I just don't know where to get the LSD"

"Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween."

"I had a threesome planned for Valentines Day... There were a couple of no-shows, but I had a good time anyway."

"Man is incomplete until he's married. Then he's finished."

"this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don't know who's winning"

"Hey woman , are you a beaver?! Cuz' DAMN!"

"What's got no teeth, and smells? The gearbox in my wife's car."

"So Jared Fogle was actually reported to have been spotted at a local Macy's. He heard Boys pant were half off."

"It must've been so fun to live in ancient Egypt because everything you wrote was an emoji"