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Joke of the Day

"Life is like toilet paper... You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"What does a mermaid stoner smoke? Seaweed."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre Didn't go over too well in r/pics."

"My boss fired me. ""Why?"" I protested. ""I haven't done anything!"" Turns out that was his reason."

"*hates you so much replaces everything and everyone you love with a cat* even if you already have a cat, *replaces it with a worse cat*"

"What did they gay necrophiliac say about his ex-lover? ""That rotten asshole split on me again!"""

"What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader? I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A FSHHH"

"What is the difference between a Snowman and a Snowwoman? Snowballs"

"What do Nazis drink for breakfast? Orange Jews."

"Why is grandpa fine with performing tricks, but gets mad if you ask grandma? It took him forever to get her off that street corner."