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Joke of the Day

"Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!"

"If you are bored I recommend mass texting all of your exes ""I'm ready to give it another shot"" and then get ready for the ride of your life"

"Doctor will I be able to play piano after the procedure? Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not. Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!"

"Sky TV 'Fluid Viewing' I thought this meant they were now streaming PornHub"

"I thought I had lost my porn stash It was right under my nose all along."

"Batman vs. Superman 2: Bruce Wayne spends millions secretly bankrolling a decade of lawsuits that bankrupt The Daily Planet."

"I'm a strict vegetarian. After I kill a cow I don't eat ANY of it."

"Dove: ..then he called me a fat pigeon! [sobs] Prince: ""There there, cry it out"" [starts recording] Um, you are a therapist, right? ""Sure"""

"Good news The doctor took his patient into the room and said, ""I have some good news and some bad news."" The patient said, ""Give me the good news."" ""They're going to name a disease after you."""

"When a dog sniffs a fire hydrant They are just checking their pee-mail."