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Joke of the Day

"I heard the Pope's first choice for a guest was in fact Hillary... But he couldn't afford her speaking fees"

"Why was the stoner kicked out of the eating competition? He was caught using performance enhancing drugs."

"What are facts about canines we must believe? Dogma"

"I have no respect for paedophiles... ... they're fucking immature assholes."

"LPT: Always sneeze when calling in sick to work So your boss always ""nose"" that you are really sick."

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? Depends how hard you throw them."

"A man started telling people he was a piece of fruit. Everyone was convinced he was bananas"

"Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look for only $87 billion we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet."

"New years eve one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early."

"Maybe someone just charmed the pants off of Winnie the Pooh."