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Joke of the Day

"I like to go up to people I haven't seen in ten years and say, ""Was THIS your card?!"""

"I hate when people ask me what I'm doing in five years... Come on guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"I really like the concept of train tickets. It's an idea I could get onboard with."

"I want to repaint my room a shade of white... ...but I can't decide between ""eggshell"", ""beige"", or ""2016 Oscars""."

"the best feeling in the world is when someone u hate tells a joke and nobody laughs"

"When someone says ""We can still be friends"" after a break up it's like saying...""The dog died but can we still keep it?"""

"Is it considered sexual assault to masturbate while cyber bullying? If so, I owe a pretty heartfelt apology to some members of PlaystationNetwork."

"Everybody knows about Trumps reality show, ""the Apprentice."" But, did you know about Hillary's show? ""the Biggest Loser."""

"Me: *ziplines into wedding* ""Sup nerds?"" *pants get caught and tear off leaving me dangling naked upside down* Priest: ""Ooh a pinata!"""

"So my friend held up a can of coke... And asked, ""How do people snort this stuff?"""