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Joke of the Day

"I want to repaint my room a shade of white... ...but I can't decide between ""eggshell"", ""beige"", or ""2016 Oscars""."

"I bought a book on eBay called ""How to Scam on eBay"". It still hasn't arrived."

"What do you call a noisy Chinese dog? How-Ling (my dad wanted me to post this)"

"Twilight werewolf Taylor Lautner turns 18 today. That makes him 126 in dog years so, unfortunately, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

"There is no more horrible death than the one of a poor tree that ends up being a Twilight book."

"Three men walk into a bar... One ducks."

"My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn."

"Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies."

"Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver: Sure but I don't flirt when I drive."

"Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day."