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Joke of the Day

"Me: *ziplines into wedding* ""Sup nerds?"" *pants get caught and tear off leaving me dangling naked upside down* Priest: ""Ooh a pinata!"""

"PIRATE CORN: $12/DOZEN"

"Few things look as optimistic as a dog butt trotting off into the distance"

"Why is Tigger so dirty? Because he plays with Pooh"

"What did Obama say to Michelle when he proposed? I don't wanna be Obama self"

"I can't play music in piano; I guess you could say it's not my forte."

"If The Lego Movie is about anything other than parents walking around and cursing after stepping on Legos, it's not based on a true story."

"Everyone done keeping calm yet?"

"Really Smooth. I lied told my dad that school was canceled. He said,"" lets go see a movie."" We got in the car and he dropped me off at school."

"Telling someone w/ depression things like 'Cheer up','Get over it','It's a state of mind', is like telling a blind person 'Just look harder'"