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Joke of the Day

"I've reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I've attached it to the leg of a deer. I was born to run."

"Why is the gay rights movement succeeding? The message is loud and queer."

"According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1."

"Why don't old women ever have sex? ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Went for ""a walk"" today, like some kind of prehistoric moron."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? Gagsalotofdong"

"""Fuck it"" - guy in charge of naming the hot air balloon"

"There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body."

"What happens when you put the batteries in backwards in an Energizer Bunny? It keeps cumming and cumming and cumming...."

"First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: You're lucky, mine's still alive."