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Joke of the Day

"The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you."

"When life gives you melons... ... you might be dyslexic."

"Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter. Blame GROCO PCA"

"Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism"

"Just accidentally used ""then"" instead of ""than"" and now I know what it feels like to be imperfect! Weird!"

"*fingers myself with giant foam Sharknado 2 finger"

"I got picked on in Highschool: I was cut from the football team & failed the cheerleading tryouts on the same day they fired me as principal"

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Just look for fresh prints."

"How do you clean a condom? You put it in a pot and boil the fuck out of it."

"A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing."