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Joke of the Day

"DAD: You're adapted. SCREENPLAY: What?!"

"We're adults. It's bad enough we selfie. Don't make it worse with the surprise face selfie"

"Why did Walmart go out of business in Iraq? Because there are too many targets."

"There's a lady at work named Lillian Llewellyn who carries a briefcase and I like to imagine it falling open and spilling a bunch of L's"

"Resuming Windows... Resuming Windows is like going back to sex after being interrupted. It doesn't feel the same and you end up restarting."

"Steve Irwin died as he lived With animals in his heart."

"Have you heard what they say about luck? It could be raining pussy and I'd get slapped in the face with a sweaty dick."

"Who did the Indian Girl choose to Marry? No one. Her parents chose for her."

"I hate ""two-faced"" people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first."

"What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie? The Blair...Which project? [Made my roomie laugh at least]"