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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when an Investment banker jumps off a cliff? A Con descending Altitude."

"My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one."

"Library charged my Visa $15.60 for my son's lost Dr. Seuss book. Teri got mad oh yes she did, Teri got angry and grounded her kid."

"Do you think all Asians look alike? Are you Chris Chen? No, I'm Daniel Hsu. Do you think all Asians look alike or something? No, I mean, do you believe in Jesus?"

"I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?"

"If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?"

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He works it out with a pencil"

"ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?"

"[OC] What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks? I'm a-lookin'... And I'm a lycan."

"What is Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Baraccoli"