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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one."

"Only 350 more followers until I casually mention the benefits of Amway."

"Me: I don't scare easily. Pregnant wife: All four of our daughters will be teenagers at the same time. Me: *never stops screaming*"

"What do you call a knight made out of clay? Sir Amick"

"Every cab is the cash cab if you've got a gun."

"TIL Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto translates you to ""Thank You Mr. Robot"" The Spanish translation is Muchos Gracias Marco Rubio"

"I really think they should rename the ""Twin"" size mattress to ""Jack"", since it makes more sense along with the King and Queen sizes, and that's mostly what happens in that size bed anyway."

"Joke of The Day 6/9/14 Slept like a log last night........Woke up in the fireplace."

"What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin? *A tempted murder*"

"Sometimes the last thing people hear before they're murdered is the sound of their pen that they won't stop clicking."