41721

Joke of the Day

"Watched the new Star Wars movie at an outdoor theater..... Watched the new Star Wars movie at an outdoor theater after dusk. It was a Jedi night."

"Doctor: I have two bad news for you. Doctor: The first one is that you have cancer. Patient: whats the second one then? Doctor: you also have alzheimer's. Patient: well at least I dont have cancer"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"""hello 9-1-1 whats your emergency?"" hi yes it's me again i left the house 3 min ago but just realized i forgot my headphones"

"What do you call a Chinese man with a lot of cats and dogs? A pet shop owner you racist scum!"

"A friend of mine accused me of having a scat fetish Fuck that shit."

"Every joke about reddits mods [removed]"

"ALERT At 9:20am, I lost an apostrophe. Last seen in the word ""Let's"". If you see it, please send it home. Its tweet misses it."

"What do Winnie the Pooh and Ivan the Terrible have in common? The same middle name. (Shamelessly stolen from Cortana.)"

"Way to greet me with a headache, Friday. Who died and made you an asshole? You think you're Monday or something?"