9112

Joke of the Day

"""hello 9-1-1 whats your emergency?"" hi yes it's me again i left the house 3 min ago but just realized i forgot my headphones"

"Why does Lichtenstien never lose a race? Because nothing is faster then Liecht!"

"What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung."

"A son asked a his Jewish father The son asked ""Dad, could I borrow 30?"". The father turned around and answered ""10? Why do you want 5?"""

"The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever"

"Why didnt Craig buy Anne Franks shoes on Ebay for 2000$ ? They were Holo-costly"

"I'm thinking of maybe giving up on my Olympic dream."

"Condescending: (adj) showing patronizing superiority (verb) a convict shimmying down a prison wall with a rope made of bed sheets."

"CHEF: You're fired ME: Is it cause I call beef patty's ""beef patricias?"" CHEF: Yes ME: Can I have some Switzerland cheese bef- CHEF: GET OUT"

"Sex is like listening to the Beatles Your parents do it and it somehow doesn't make it less cool. Shout out to CH, because I heard it here."