76950

Joke of the Day

"What do Winnie the Pooh and Ivan the Terrible have in common? The same middle name. (Shamelessly stolen from Cortana.)"

"How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? ""Please get out of the pool."""

"If Trump gets the Presidency, he'll ban all shredded cheese from being bought... He wants to make America grate again."

"The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side."

"Dear diary, Sometimes it just seems like I can't tell if something is an inanimate object or a person My therapist: Yes that's quite clear"

"I decided to start growing a beard. I didn't like it at first but it's starting to grow on me."

"My little sister's cat died... ...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes"

"I chuckled at this one Suicidal arsonist burned at the stake."

"endless breadsticks. bottomless fries. yawning abyss of onion rings. HOWLING DESOLATE CHASM OF POTATO SKINS"