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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: I have two bad news for you. Doctor: The first one is that you have cancer. Patient: whats the second one then? Doctor: you also have alzheimer's. Patient: well at least I dont have cancer"

"With all this anti-drug propaganda going around, how do you know a D.A.R.E. representative is lying? His lips are moving."

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. We are efficient and don't have humor."

"Will anyone on Facebook ever have the guts to let everyone else know they married their ""best friend""?"

"What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water? An egg in a duck."

"Ancient people: turned grapes into wine, agave into tequila, and sugar cane into rum. Modern people: turn soy, rice, or almonds into milk."

"There are 60 cities in China with populations over 1 million. SIXTY. All they do is fuck."

"Why are proteins so bad at poker? They always fold."

"Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss."

"Gays in the military ""If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"" Adam Hills"