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Joke of the Day

"A pelican just flew away with my sandwich. Rigged! The media!"

"What do you call a bull that masturbates? Beef Jerky."

"I know a trick to make my dick 2 meters long... ... I fold it in half."

"*climbs Mt. Everest hoping to find clarity, PEACE & a deeper understanding of myself & the world* ""When did they put a Starbucks up here?"""

"My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind."

"I told a boy I loved him once. We were 6. He punched my arm & stole my cake. Life lesson. Never lose sight of what's important. #Cake."

"My chair at work is really uncomfortable. I wonder if a stool softener will work."

"So Snookie is pregnant 10 to 1 odds all the baby's pictures have the duck face...."

"What's worse than male chauvinists? Women who don't shut up."

"i want to create and sell action figures based around fathers. ""father figures"". First edition, ""dead beat dad"". BTW it's just an empty box."