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Joke of the Day

"A good will gesture . . . A friendly chap from a local charity asked for a donation towards restoring the community swimming pool today. . . I gave him a bottle of water."

"[posing for mugshot] ""now turn forward"" [flash] lemme see"

"Whats the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub? One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole."

"How do you spell ""sawss"" as in ""spaghetti sawss"" ?"

"Knock, knock. Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock, knock."

"HAD LOTS OF ESPRESSO. TWEETING FROM THE MOON. I LIVE HERE NOW. IT IS NOT MADE OUT OF CHEESE. 1 OUT OF 5 STARS: NOT RECOMMENDED"

"A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying ""Betcha can't eat just one!"" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move."

"My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them."

"ME: *tells joke* WIFE: ugh, that was funny in middle school [later] ME [at a local middle school]: so have you all heard the one about th"

"What's the difference between Ice Age 4 and Batman The Dark Knight? The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive"