40475

Joke of the Day

"I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else."

"I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge."

"Me: ""Siri, why am I single?"" Siri: *opens front face camera*"

"I once wrestled an anaconda for 3 days... Then realized I was masturbating."

"So two fish are in a tank... One fish turns to the other fish and says ""Alright, you drive. I'll man the gun!"" Get it? Because they're in a *tank*."

"i dont care what anyone says, i dont have a follow up statement i just dont care what anyone says."

"Why do the French always were white when pole vaulting? So people can see them surrender from afar. Edit: wrong form of the form ""wear"""

"Are you going to the BBQ? The one where I out my meat on your grill!"

"What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class? Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once."

"*Whispers in random chicks ear ""I have pizza in the van"""