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Joke of the Day

"""do you know the best way to get rid of a wasp nest?"" no, try using your phone [throws phone and hits wasp nest] *running* I meant google it"

"Have you see the film about the guy who can't stop crywanking? It was a tearjerker."

"What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark? A knight light"

"The janitor at my gym sees me naked more often than my wife does. And he's a more attentive lover."

"can you start monday at 8? ""yes, thank you for the opportunity"" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? ""am or pm?"""

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a 4 year old? Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out a window"

"Drinking light beer is like having sex in a canoe.. Fucking close to fresh water"

"In hell, you have to listen to chicks fully explain a movie, scene by scene."

"How did 1337 Jesus escape his tomb? (X-Post from ProgrammerHumor) He used an encrypted key."

"When 2 Chainz doesn't want to be recognized he just takes off one chain."