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Joke of the Day

"Just made sweet love to a juicy steak. Being escorted out of the restaurant now."

"One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, He said ""here's a picture of me when I was younger."" I responded ""Every picture is of you when you were younger."" -Mitch Hedberg"

"Friend: Can I borrow a pen? Me: Sure! *looks in purse* *pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat* Me: Sorry, no pen. :("

"My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation."

"Pretty woman wouldn't have been as sweet of a love story if we saw all the times she sucked c**k for money weeks prior."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Arrr Matey!"

"I want to work for YouTube. It sounds so easy! All you have to do is remove a few lines of code everyday!"

"They don't make microwaves the size of refrigerators because they know if you were high you'd try nuking your friends."

"Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night."

"Robert Pattinson said Kristen Stewart humiliated him. Then he added it was even more humiliating than being in Twilight."