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Joke of the Day

"Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter..."

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"You're McDonalds; I'm Burger King I'm doing it my way, and you're lovin' it."
"What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The Miami Heat flag."
"What is the only way to stop Donald Trump? A Cruz missile."
"I don't have a problem with idiots... I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection."
"Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!! Lucky I got the first punch in."
"I think my boss from flint is trying to poison me... Handing out all these Pb and jelly sandwiches."
"Hillary Clinton doesn't suck! Just ask Bill"
"Why couldn't the potato get off the couch? Because it was baked."
"What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand? My hand"