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Joke of the Day

"Just got banned from B&Q, some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking!! Lucky I got the first punch in."

"Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile"

"What's the difference between England and an egg cup? An egg can stay in the cup longer"

"Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all."

"Last night I tried a new Thai restaurant. It was nice... They had a pick your own kitten cage on the counter."

"Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had loco motives."

"If there was award for laziness... . I would send someone else to get it."

"The Jewish Dilemma... Free Pork"

"Halloween is without question the easiest time of year to kill somebody and just leave their body decomposing on your porch for a month"

"I don't like you messing with my donkey call-center business. I'm the one with my ass on the line."