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Joke of the Day

"HUSBAND 911: what your emergency? ME: my wife hears everything HUSBAND 911: do I? ME: what? HUSBAND 911: what?"

"I told my son I'm a motherfucker...... He was like. ""You fuck mothers...... lesbo."" I replied. "" Ain't a lesbo if it's myself."""

"What is Lionel Messi's favorite soft drink? Si, era Missed"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my dick down your throat."

"I legitimately often expect WebMD to return the result of ""turns out you are a loser."""

"Why are blind people bad at programming? Because they can't C"

"Did you hear about the christian rapper who went missing? He never did turn up."

"What's the difference between a Bull Dyke and a Bull Elephant? ...about 100lbs and a flannel shirt"

"For someone who said ""Correct me if I'm wrong..."" you seemed genuinely surprised and upset when I did."

"I tried tap dancing once... ... I kept falling in the sink."