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Joke of the Day

"A redhead tells her blonde friend ""I slept with a Brazilian""... The blonde replies, ""Oh my god, you slut! How many is a Brazilian?"""

"What's green, slimy and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)"

"My dog ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles and now I gotta follow him around the yard because it's his turn"

"What's the best part about having sex with ninety-nine year olds? There's ninety of 'em."

"Blood is thicker than water, so I'm going to have to use Comet on this bathtub"

"""I'd hit that!"" -- me gazing at rock bottom"

"Magic trick: Take your age, subtract three, now add three. That's your age."

"Judge: jury, how do you find the defendant? Me: [whispering] dude, he's like...right there. Judge: there's no talking Me: [pointing]"

"The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."

"Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency? A: Question marks."