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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head."

"Jogging in place at a crosswalk makes you A) hole B) cool C) what I did there D) bag?"

"I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said ""Yes!"". I said ""Good, because I'm breaking up with you."" Fuck you, Chelsey."

"1816: a grizzly bear ate my mom as she fetched drinking water. 1916: I'm in a muddy trench, bleeding internally. 2016: IM OFFENDED!"

"I asked my wife to pick up some French bread from the grocery store But ciabatta roll instead."

"Why did Mickey leave Minnie? Because she was fucking goofy."

"I have always hated shopping for clothes because my mom would always hit me alot with a coathanger as a child Then i was born"

"Omg. The WiFi went off a minute ago so my kids came out of their rooms. They're getting so tall!"

"My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop. He replied, ""it's hard man.. I got to much love for the hoes"""

"What do you call a fat alcoholic? A heavy drinker."