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Joke of the Day

"Real women have curves!!! Real women have spirals!!! Real women are plump and covered in a creamy sauce wait nope thinkin of pasta"

"Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior? They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire - this came to me in a dream... maybe it should have stayed there? *shrugs*"

"I parked in the ""C"" section of the parking lot. So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof."

"*loses 100 pounds in the US* yes *loses 100 pounds in England* no"

"911: whats your emergency Me: Come quick, my son has swallowed a condom*Click 911: whats your emergency Me: It's ok, found another one."

"why do birds sudenly appear every time you are near and how do u always manage to fit that many birds in ur mouth to begin with"

"My kids have already agreed to have me frozen. I just wish they'd wait until I'm dead."

"What do sick composers drink? Tchai *cough* Tea"

"My wife asked me to pass her lipbalm & I gave her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me"

"Research shows that, on average, men tend to write longer sentences than women. They don't get periods."