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Joke of the Day

"you stole my electron atom 1: you stole my electron. atom 2: sure? atom 1: positive!"

"2 Smurfs stand over a body... ""What happened?"" ""Choked on a sandwich."" ""Nobody helped?"" ""No."" ""Didn't they see him turning bl-"" ""..."" ""Oh."""

"if I were in a comic book I would never wear clothes, I would just constantly scream a huge speech bubble over my body"

"I asked Roy Hodgson if he would consider 4-4-2 next week. He said, ""No, we'll probably go 7-4-7 it's wider and offers more leg room."""

"Why did God bless Texas? He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris."

"Do you believe in God? ""Do you believe in God?"" ""Of course! There's only one J.C. for me!"" AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!! !!!"

"What's black and doesn't work? [Very NSFW] Bryce Williams' sense of perspective."

"Drinking light beer is like having sex in a canoe.. Fucking close to fresh water"

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

"The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing"