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Joke of the Day

"if I were in a comic book I would never wear clothes, I would just constantly scream a huge speech bubble over my body"

"In honor of the Million Muslim March... What do you get when you add a million lesbians to the Million Man March? Two million people that don't do dick."

"Dear funny, I picked up the wrong sandwich at Subway Oops, wrong sub!"

"Kylo Ren/Ben Solo got a head start with completing his comic book collection he's already got all the daddy issues"

"I don't understand why people always fight becoming a zombie or vampire. Both seem awesome because you don't have to have a job."

"A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked ""I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."""

"As my wife gave birth all the doctors yelled, ""Push!"" I was convinced it was a Pull door."

"I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!"

"Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered."

"My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding. She got mad and said she's never playing Scrabble with me again."