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Joke of the Day
"Does anyone else think Squidward's nose looks like...nevermind. There are children in the room."
Next Joke
"I told an Aussie friend I was having trouble rooting my phone He replied, ""Maybe try buying it dinner first, mate. """
"It's been a brutal heatwave with no respite, but things will finally cool off tomorrow and rain. I can't wait to complain about that."
"If I could, I'd wear plaid every day. But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines."
"TIFU by messing up someone's sandwich order Whoops, wrong sub!"
"My wife likes to talk after sex She calls me from the motel"
"Me: I've invested heavily in hedgehog funds. You: I think you mean hedge funds. *opens door to roomful of hedgehogs* Me: Nope."
"What does the Dalai Lama order from the pizza shop? One with everything"
"and on the 7th day while God was resting Satan created the Kardashian family."
"Major milestone today -- found my first grey pubic hair! But once I picked it out, the burger tasted pretty decent."