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Joke of the Day

"A gerund, infinitive, and a past participle walk into a bar. Drinking, to drink, to get drunk"

"Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake? It wasn't his fault."

"Facebook: ""Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!"" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]"

"Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment."

"What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi."

"What do you call all of Trump's failed businesses arranged in a circle? Orange"

"What do you give to an elephant who suffering from diarrhea? Space."

"If I had a dollar for every joke I've recycled I would have a lot since this is a popular style of joke"

"Guardsman: ""Lady Pao, the Reddit peasants are revolting!"" Lady Pao: ""Yes I agree, they're disgusting. Do you have a point?"""

"Are you sure? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes,"" the first says, ""I'm positive."""