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Joke of the Day
"What do you give to an elephant who suffering from diarrhea? Space."
Next Joke
"What does E.T. stand for? Freedom of speech"
"Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake. I know this now."
"He who farts in church..... Sits in his own pew. (Courtesy of my wife)"
"So anyway, one of my favorite pastimes is not drowning."
"Juneau what Juneau is the capital of? No?... I guess Alaska professional!"
"Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that"
"She said, ""Are you even listening to me? This is important!"" I said, ""I don't know, pizza?"" And that's how the fight started"
"Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 10 seconds."
"I've gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn't gonna get arrested all by itself."