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Joke of the Day

"Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake? It wasn't his fault."

"Gyms are full of people that haven't found the right couch."

"What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant."

"Once I got my art degree I didn't need to deliver to people anymore. Now they come to me, explaining what they want me to create. Then I ask them to pull up to the next window."

"My friend wanted to give me a free puppy... I did not accept because their mother was a real bitch."

"*attempts seductive selfie in bed *drops phone on face *chips tooth"

"I was in the park the other day wondering why the frisbee looks bigger the closer it gets... And then it hit me."

"No one likes a motherfucker *Except for the mother*"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amelia ! Amelia who ? Amelia a package last week - did you get it ? !"

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."