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Joke of the Day

"Little league Played baseball with some orphaned kids today. :) I won. None of them seemed to know where home was."

"[gets down on 1 knee] Babe will you-- ""Yeah... Here it is"" [she lends me her phone charger] Thanks"

"Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy."

"I've started picking up dudes by walking into Starbucks and ""accidentally"" dropping my recipe for bacon tacos."

"What do you do when you see Michael J. Fox in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry."

"I can't cook with spices right now... ...I just don't have the thyme."

"How is evolution and a Union construction job similar? They take so long that some people don't believe they don't work."

"Why is Thor's brother always overlooked? Because he's low key."

"Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he's driving them crazy? Me as a principal: Maybe"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I wouldn't pay 40 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face."