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Joke of the Day

"What do you do when you see Michael J. Fox in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry."

"Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"""RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"" ""Kraken's not here."" ""What? Ugh! What can we release?"" ""Gary's here."" ""Gary?! Dammit! Fine... RELEASE THE GARY!"""

"Ever heard the one about the shark in the bar Don't worry, its kinda fishy"

"""Hire me or I'll eat your family."" -effective bear resume"

"*watches a movie with you* *loudly beeps during all the good parts*"

"Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell."

"I saw two really fat people today talking... Looked like a heavy discussion"

"You know that photo of yourself you really fucking hate, it'll look great to you in ten years time so don't delete that shit."

"Can we make it a rule not to put anything after the punchline? Seriously, it ruins the joke every time without fail."