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Joke of the Day

"Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy."

"The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds."

"I have the first signs of baldness, a friend said to me that my head it's like the house of a rich man... two car entrances in the front and a pool in the backyard."

"I like to think of myself as God's gift to women. They certainly wouldn't pay anything to have me."

"I don't trust stairs... They always look like they're up to something."

"*Takes our kid away so my wife can have a break* *Takes kid to pub* *Bumps into wife at pub*"

"Where does a race on the Swedish border end at? The Finnish line."

"Donald Trump becomes the new president. Yeah that's it."

"On a scale of 1-10 how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About 9 3/4"

"How does Moses make his coffee? He brews it"